When is a child too young to learn about people that are different than the group they've grown up with? When are they too young to introduce to concepts like alternative lifestyles, and the fact that even in nature couples don't always add up the way some people think they should?
Today I'm going to talk about two very cute and very controversial (at least in some areas) children's books: And Tango Makes Three by Justin Richardson and Peter Parnell and Uncle Bobby's Wedding by Sarah S. Brannen.
As a former children's librarian, these are books I read, just for the heck of it, to familiarize myself with the collection, because they looked cute, and, most likely, not because I went seeking them but because I was looking for books for certain theme displays (in this case, penguins, and either pets or families).
And Tango Makes Three is a very cute book, based on real events that happened at a zoo maybe about 10 years ago now. All the penguins had chosen their mates, did their little mating ritual dances, built nests, and laid and tended an egg in that nest. But there were 2 male penguins who were left out. One day, one of the zookeepers noticed that the two males were also doing the mating dance ritual, and building a nest together. As the book very simply puts it, he thought, "They must be in love." He watched this odd little couple find a rock and place it in their nest, tending it as though it were an egg. Around the same time, the zookeeper got a call from another zookeeper. The second zookeeper said they had a penguin couple who had two eggs but could only care for one of them. She wondered if the first zookeeper had a penguin who might be able to care for the second egg. Of course, our zookeeper knew the perfect couple. So the egg arrived from the other zoo and was given to the male couple who took care of it, nurtured it, and hatched a female chick who was eventually named Tango.
There was a big outcry in some places, the main protest being that the book was about homosexuality and was not appropriate for children. For what it's worth, the zookeeper who wrote the book responded to accusations that he was trying to "turn children gay" and "further the homosexual agenda" by saying, "It's no more an argument in favor of human gay relationships than it is a call for children to swallow their fish whole or sleep on rocks."
To me, as both a product of fertility treatments and the child of an adopted child, this story is not about homosexuality as much as it's a story about a couple who couldn't have a baby the "normal" way and needed help to fulfill their desire to have a family.
Uncle Bobby's Wedding is a book about a little girl and her favorite uncle. She spends a lot of time with him and he's kind of her best friend. Then one day, Uncle Bobby tells her that he wants her to meet his Very Special Friend. Uncle Bobby and his Very Special Friend are getting married! But the little girl is upset - she's worried that once Uncle Bobby gets married he won't have time for her anymore. But when she meets Uncle Bobby's Special Friend, they both promise her that they will always have time for her. So she decides she's happy that they are getting married and agrees to be their flower girl.
The really interesting thing about this book is that since the characters are guinea pigs, Uncle Bobby's Special Friend is named Jamie, and they wear very unisex clothing until the wedding itself, you may not even realize Uncle Bobby's Special Friend is another male until a few pages from the end.
Honestly, this book is even less about homosexuality than it is about a child finding her place when a family expands - it's right there with books about siblings getting married, parents getting remarried, and parents having (or adopting) a new baby.
What do these two books have in common? For me, they are both "safe" books to use when you feel it is time to introduce your child to the idea that not all families are the same, just as you might talk about step-families, divorces, or a classmate who lives with grandparents or foster parents. Not everyone lives with 1 mom and 1 dad, and that's ok.
And when I have a child and decide it's time to explain to her or him about my Uncle Bobbies, and my best friend who will be my child's Uncle Bobby, you can be darn sure I will have these books on my shelf.