Writer's Block or Pandemic Fatigue?

Guys, I think I'm having a little bit of an existential crisis about my writing.

I've really been dragging my feet about it the last couple months. The idea of finishing and publishing a novel seems daunting, not inspiring. Looking for places to submit my short stories seems tedious and not worth the effort.

I've been "supposed" to be working on Brinyor since November, but find I keep delaying rereads and editing in favor of making a map I probably won't use, in depth costume research I probably don't need, in depth linguistic name research that I'm probably the only one who cares about it...

I've been "working" on Brinyor for ten years - Wolf and Sheath, and BrightFire for twelve and eleven years, respectively. (I guess I should quit thinking such uncharitable thoughts about George R R Martin, huh?)

Maybe it's the pandemic fatigue talking - here we are almost two years in, and we just had another exposure scare. (I guess I shouldn't complain - I know a lot of people who have had it; I know some people who have had it twice.) I was supposed to be getting back into things, being productive, now that we're through the holidays and Elianna was going back to school (prior to quarantines and lack-luster ice storms).

I just don't feel the drive. Some people get up in the morning and they HAVE to write, like they have to breathe. Most successful authors will tell you "you have to write every day." I'm definitely not doing that right now. People say, "If you REALLY want to do something, you'll FIND the time, you'll MAKE the time." But you know what I'm making time for? Naps. Admittedly, I have never been ambitious about ANYTHING, so maybe this isn't such a big change. But I am starting to wonder if I'm wasting my... time? Time may not even be the right word, since I'm not even spending that much time on it right now.

But if I don't write, if I'm not a writer, what am I?

(It's an open answer, possibly even a rhetorical question, and in no way meant to be a downer. I've just been rolling this all around in my head recently.)

...though Jason is feeling the same way about some of his leisure activities, so it helps to know I'm not the only one.


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What To Do In '22

It's time for my annual update on goals!

First, what my goals were in 2021, and how I did with them (full post on that here.

Because I was trying to be a little less vague about my goals, some of them were more time-specific (do X by the end of January):

-Get back into my writing schedule - Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday mornings.

-check

-Submit either one story to at least three publications, or at least three stories to one publication each by the end of March.

-check

-Resume my weekly blog schedule.

-check

-But within the first couple weeks of the year, examine my current writing schedule and see if I want to move which day I do my blog. (I currently am "supposed" to be posting a blog every weekend, but that hasn't happened in a while.)

-check

-Resume my monthly project/status updates.

-check

-Finish rereading Bright Fire by the end of January.

-If I recall correctly, I did

-By the time I finish the above, decide what work I want to do next on The Wolf and the Sheath.

-I did work on W and S for a while, but I didn't make a lot of progress

Other things I did last year included:

-revamped my platform. This included updating my website's layout and imagery, and adding a Twitter account.

-made nine submissions (which admittedly isn't a lot, but it's something).

-made decent progress on setting relatable, achievable goals and meeting them. I figured out a formula of sorts of how much to increase followings on various platforms by and did pretty well with that.

So what are my goals for 2022? Honestly, I haven't given it a lot of thought. For the moment, I will continue my status quo:

-Continue my regular writing schedule (Monday afternoon, Tuesday and Thursday mornings and evenings, Sunday evenings, and alternating weekends (the last of which I have not been good about).

-Continue my social media posting schedule: Writerly quotes on Mondays, alternating Writing Prompt Wednesday and Throwback Thursday, and posting a new blog at least every-other weekend.

-Make three submissions by the end of January. Whether or not those publications/contests allow for simultaneous submissions will help determine what my next submission goal is.

-Continue to increase my following on various online platforms by approximately 10% each quarter.

-Update and/or swap out material on my website quarterly.

"But what about writing," you ask, "all these goals seem to be platform-oriented." You would be right. I haven't had my head in the writing end of the things the past couple months - even NaNoWriMo was tough for me this year. I haven't really given a lot of thought as to what writing goal to set or how to measure it. I've been working on Brinyor since November, and I'd like to continue that. I did a little bit of research for it, and a little map and costume sketching over the past week or two, so maybe that will give me some fresh inspiration.

In any case, I will definitely make an update post at the end of the month, so maybe I'll update my writing goals at that time.

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NaNo? Maybe So...

The night is dark... A restless spirit moves through the house... Something calls my name...

"Elizabeeeeeeeeeeth... you know you want to do NaNoWriMoooooooooooo..."

So it's the same debate every year - to NaNo or not to Nano? And I think I will this year. Not the normal National Novel Writing Month - because I need to finish one of the novels I've already got started - but a modified version. A few years ago, I took one of my works in progress and wrote a new scene for it every day for a month, rather than trying to meet a certain word count. That worked pretty well for me - it rejuvenated my interest in the story, and got some new material down. Of course, that was the November before Elianna was born, and the November before Baldur died, so suffice to say I've had a lot going on since then...

But, in any case, I'll be doing that again this year with Brinyor. Fittingly, I started Brinyor for 2011's NaNoWriMo, so it feels right to try and get some fleshing out done to it for its 10th anniversary. (Oh, god, y'all, I've now got three novels I've been working on for ten-plus years...)

However, despite this decision, I'm not going to press myself super hard. I've spent September and October dealing with colds, sinus infections, potty training, and another round of colds and sinus infections. I never did get around to decorating for Halloween, and Thanksgiving and Christmas loom. I'm going to try really hard not to beat myself up if I can't get a scene, snippet, etc. written every day. I mean, the point is to try, yes, but I need to walk the line between making time to try and dreading doing so because I have too many other obligations.

We'll see what happens and, as always, I will have an update for you at the end of the November.

Oh-well-tober

The downside to the timing of Banned Books Week is that since it's always the last week of September (and often a couple days into October), I don't have a good opportunity to post about my October plans and goals in the time frame I normally do. Oh, well.

I've been working on-again off again on updating my platform since March, yet, somehow, it feels like I haven't gotten much done on that. I have fantastic new pictures I need to switch out on all my sites - here, Facebook, and LinkedIn - and somehow have not gotten around to it. I've been dragging my feet on getting a Twitter account up and running.

Additionally, because I've been focusing on the above (have I, though?) I haven't been doing much writing. I have an idea for a cosmic horror short story that's been tickling the back of my brain for a month or two now. I have pieces that are done that I need to be submitting. And, of course there are those three unfinished novels always looking over my shoulder...

In fact, I think what I'd really like to do the next couple months is focus on one of those.

I've been working off and on (very off sometimes) on finishing The Wolf and the Sheath for the last couple years and... while I'm not saying I can't or don't want to work on that one, I also wonder if maybe working on a different one might give me a little freshness and inspiration.

I still don't know what I'm doing with BrightFire. It needs a massive rewrite.

But I do think that I will go back and reread Brinyor. Depending on how it sparks as I reread it, I might do what I did for W and S for NaNoWriMo a couple months ago - go through and make a list of what scenes and transitions I still need, and then spend time each day in November adding a little. No, most likely not the 50,000 words in 30 days/1,700-some-odd words per day - but something.

I'm not saying it will be easy, and it will be the first time trying something like this since Elianna was born. But she's very good at playing on her own, looking at books, even going potty on her own now. In fact, I've been strongly leaning toward converting the downstairs diaper changing station back into a desk. It's in the room that she mostly plays in, so it would be a good place for me to work while she plays, rather than coming up to my office (which is a MESS*) and either trying to keep her from messing with stuff, or keeping an ear out for her while she's across the hall in her room. (Though, honestly, we could probably try her hanging out in her room - she can keep herself occupied with books for quite a while, like someone else I know.)

*Yes, I could clean it. But right now my time limitations are "clean OR write" and I really need to get back to the latter.

July? You Lie...

What, July already? How?

So the last couple months I have been working on my platform and, as so often happens when I'm working on something aside from simply creating, it's taking longer than I thought it would. But I've gotten a lot done and I'm pleased with what all I've accomplished. I also realize that "working on my platform" is less something that will have an end point, and more something that will always, to some extent, be a work in progress.

But, to date, I have made an extensive list of goals, and have been working with a graphic designer on new imagery for my website and social media. I'm hoping to unveil that soon, but we're still working on some of it. I have also revamped my social media posting schedule (if you also follow me on Facebook, you will have seen that page being more active lately).

So with a good amount of my platform work either done or under way, I'm shifting gears slightly... or adding gears. I don't know much about gears - I don't write steampunk ; )

For July (and the next few months as well, probably) I'll be splitting time between the platform work and getting back into creative work. I'll re-examine what I'm working on in August or September - July is shaping up to be busy, and Elianna's preschool starts back up in mid-August. For now, I'm going to plan to spend part of my writing time each week working on either submitting (which is what I'm working on after I post this actually), getting my brain back into The Wolf and the Sheath, or creating new material.

So keep an eye out - hopefully I will continue filling your feed with fun and interesting stuff!

May Maintenance

Hello readers! Just a quick monthly update for you.

As you have probably seen from my past two posts, I'm spending some time working on my online presence, and will continue to do so for the month of May. During the month of April I've collecting some feedback*, working on planning and drafting, playing with some software to make visuals the same across all platforms (or potential platforms).

*And, hey, it's not too late if you want to participate! https://www.iveyink.com/blog/2021/4/17/feedback-needed

As usual, I struggle with finding the time. Most of what I do is done while Elianna is at preschool - which, once you take out transit to and from; and lunch prep, eating, and cleanup - is really only about an hour and half twice a week. That's a good amount of time each day to get stuff down if you really buckle down and focus (and if you know what you're doing, *cough* color customizing *cough*) - but three hours a week is not a lot of time to build/rebuild a-multi-platform online presence.

Granted, Jason and I are working on trying to find more time for me - time on weekends that he can watch Elianna, seeing how independently Elianna can play while I work, etc. But if you're wondering, "Hey, there are graphic designers that can do in a couple days what you're allowing two months for"... well, that's why.

And that doesn't mean that I'm not doing anything creative at all. I am always thinking about one of my projects. In fact, on Wednesday I was having a discussion with someone about The Wolf and the Sheath and what it's about. I'm hoping to be able to get back to focusing on the creative part of the craft this summer. But with Elianna's school almost out and scheduling shifting up, I'm not going to try to guess right now what my work time is going to be like then.

January's Almost Over?

Hello, readers!

True to my goals that I posted on New Year's Eve [ https://www.iveyink.com/blog/2020/12/31/goals-for-2021 ], here's my first monthly project update for 2021. Since I had some setbacks and schedule changes, I don't have anything big to talk about and instead will simply go down my goal list and talk about my progress:

-Get back into my writing schedule - Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday mornings. Starting this coming week (January 3).

As I said above, I had some issues to iron out with the schedule. I had chosen the times I did due to Elianna's schedule. She used to have physical therapy on Monday mornings, but we've since adjusted that to every-other Wednesday afternoon. That's fine for the Wednesdays that she does have her appointment - there's no difference between sitting in the car and writing on Monday morning and doing the same on Wednesday afternoon. But losing one day a week (which I shouldn't complain about, she's come a long way), I feel like I need to find another hour-ish slot during the week, and I haven't really sorted that out yet.

I also chose Tuesday and Thursday mornings because Elianna is in school those mornings. But, as I posted about here [ https://www.iveyink.com/blog/2021/1/12/confessions-judgement-and-accountability ], her school was closed for two weeks due to staffing shortages, so I missed out on some of that time. I was able to make up some of it - Jason was off on Martin Luther King Day, so I took some time that day while he watched Elianna, and there was at least one time I was able to get some things done while she was napping. (Unfortunately, she's never had a clockwork nap schedule. Some days - like school and PT days - she can USUALLY be relied on to take a long nap in the afternoon... but not always. Sometimes I just lose writing time and don't get a chance to make it up.)

-Submit either one story to at least three publications, or at least three stories to one publication each by the end of March.

Right now, I have two flash pieces I'm having a group of beta readers look at as I consider a contest for them. I'm also looking into other submission possibilities.

-Resume my weekly blog schedule.

-But within the first couple weeks of the year, examine my current writing schedule and see if I want to move which day I do my blog. (I currently am "supposed" to be posting a blog every weekend, but that hasn't happened in a while.)

Even with the scheduling setbacks above, I've been able to make a blog post every week since New Year's. While they are not precisely weekly (a post each weekend) like I used to do, I've found that typing a post when I have a topic in mind, rather than forcing inspiration on Sunday night seems to be working better for me.

-Resume my monthly project/status updates. Consider this the first. Check!

Woot, here it is!

-Finish rereading Bright Fire by the end of January.

Done!

-By the time I finish the above, decide what work I want to do next on The Wolf and the Sheath.

Today I was going to decide on either something to do with Wolf and Sheath or something to do with one of the two other novels... but between not sleeping well last night and a much needed phone call from a dear friend, I didn't work on writing today (except for finalizing this blog). But, thinking about it off and on yesterday and today, it also occurred to me that maybe for February I should focus on the submissions. This way, I can not spread myself too thin or take on too much while I'm still kind of trying to get back into the swing of my writing schedule.

So, all things considered, I'm doing really well with my goals so far. Sometime in February or March, as I tie up the February submissions and March goals, I'll take a look at how I'd doing and feeling and think about goals for the next few months after that.

Goals for 2021

So, first of all, I don't make resolutions anymore; I make goals.

People joke about how quickly they're going to stop trying for their resolutions. To call something a "resolution" is almost to expect it to fail. So I make goals. A term I've come across recently is "SMART" goals - specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-based.

What, specifically, is your goal? (The bridge guardian squawks, "WHAT...is your quest?") It doesn't have to be big, but it does have to be clear. "Be healthier." How? Eat less? Choose low fat foods? Exercise more? How do you specifically define success for this goal, this idea?

How do you measure it? X fewer calories per day? Y more minutes of exercise?

And, really, it has to be something you can do. "I'm going to go to the Olympics for sprinting!" Not achievable for most of us. Running a marathon is also probably not achievable for most of us, honestly. "Increase the amount of time I spend running by five minutes each day," or "run five miles a day by July" is a much better goal - by both measurability and achievability.

And that last line takes us to time-based (yes, skipping relevant for now). How long are you giving yourself to reach your goal? Rome wasn't built in a day. But neither did the builders of the Colosseum say, "eh, I'll get it done one of these days." You have to give yourself a timeline. Adjust it later if you need to. To use one of the above examples, I definitely couldn't run - or even walk - a marathon any time soon. But, I could probably work up to walking or running five miles a day if I gave myself a six or twelve month timeline.

And then there's relevance. You need to make sure your goals are relevant to you. Why are you doing this? "I want to be healthier 'cause my doctor says so," is not a good goal. "I want to lose 20 pounds so I will feel more confident," or "I want to be able to run a marathon because my friend Jim runs marathons and I think it would be fun to do that with him" are better. You're not going to work toward this goal if it doesn't resonate with you.

So what are my goals for this year? Not running, despite using that as an example ; )

I have a few goals I've been kicking around. I've honestly only been thinking about these very recently. I've been meaning to "get back into writing" for a while... but that's vague and not SMART. So here are the goals I've cobbled out as of today:

-Get back into my writing schedule - Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday mornings. Starting this coming week (January 3).

-Submit either one story to at least three publications, or at least three stories to one publication each by the end of March. (See? Time-based.)

-Resume my weekly blog schedule.

-But within the first couple weeks of the year, examine my current writing schedule and see if I want to move which day I do my blog. (I currently am "supposed" to be posting a blog every weekend, but that hasn't happened in a while.)

-Resume my monthly project/status updates. Consider this the first. Check!

-Finish rereading Bright Fire by the end of January.

-By the time I finish the above, decide what work I want to do next on The Wolf and the Sheath.

What are your goals for 2021?

Na No No Go

Today's a big day - no, not just the day after Halloween (and don't you DARE start putting up that Christmas tree yet ; ) - today is the first day of NaNoWriMo*.

*If you're not familiar with the abbreviation, NaNoWriMo is short for National Novel-Writing Month, which takes place annually in November. Writers challenge themselves to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. It's not as hard as it sounds - it breaks down to about 1700 words a day, which is just a couple pages. The hard part is not writing 50,000 words - the hard part is actually finishing the novel after November ends.

Those of you who have been following this blog for a while will hopefully forgive me as I give a little background on my NaNo history here:

-In 2009, I did NaNo for the first time, and succeeded in writing 50,000 words. This novel, which I've referred to often in this blog by its working title, The Wolf and the Sheath, still sits unfinished 11 years later.

-In 2010, I did NaNo again, leading to BrightFire... which is also unfinished.

-In 2011, because I was very busy, I gave myself the goal of 30,000 words instead, and ended up with the partial novel I'm currently calling Brinyor which is, you guessed it, still unfinished.

A few months ago, I had been hoping to be back into some semblance of a writing routine by now. I have been trying to sit down and work on writing stuff a couple mornings a week. There have been a few times recently that I've worked on something else like laundry or food prep during the time I should be writing. I really need to cut that out. I really need to start treating my writing time as non-negotiable.

So, I'm sure that you might have guessed from all of that that I will not be participating in NaNoWriMo this year. I just have too much going on (which, yes, all of you with multiple children that get shuttled back and forth to various activities, just pat me on the head and call me a sweet summer child) .

We're heading into "the holidays" and I have crafts I want to put together. There are areas of the house that haven't been cleaned since before Elianna was born. And we're going to have to start taking her to physical therapy because she's behind on walking. In addition, I'm dealing with anxiety and insomnia (though, it is 2020 - who isn't?). I'm trying to be more active so I can kick my weight loss into gear... I hope it doesn't sound like I'm making excuses; this just isn't the time to be putting a major task on my plate.

But with all that said, I think that I am going to try and reread all three of my partial novels this month, as well as do some other creative things (art rather than writing, but I feel that any creative juices are going to get others flowing).

And those of you who are going to take up the challenge this year - go for it! Take those emotions, those anxieties, and pour them into your novel. Write about the dystopia you fear, or write about hope and recovery. Just write. And, hopefully, your novel will make more sense than this year has.

To those about to write, I salute you.

#NaNoWriMo2020

Dreaming of the Dearly Departed

I had a rough day yesterday.  It actually started the night before:

-I had a bad headache (allergies).

-My back was bothering me (stupid unsupportive slippers).

-I was mentally exhausted from trying to keep up with all the COVID-19 news.

-I had restless dreams.

-My head was still bothering me when I woke up.

-I went to the store and while I was able to get everything we really needed, seeing so many things still out of stock - especially being short on things in the baby aisle - it took a lot of effort to calm myself down and not start just snatching things I didn't really need in a panic.

-I got home to find that a delivery I had been expecting - that I had made plans for the week around and that had already been delayed - was wrong.  

And then I kind of said, "screw it."  I cracked open a coke and ate a large Reese's egg that I had meant to save for a special occasion and went in search of cute animal videos on Facebook.  (Puppies at the aquarium - heck yeah!)  In scrolling - intentionally scrolling past serious news stories - I came across a humorous post a friend of mine made about how to prepare for a tornado warning.  It was a twelve step list in which every other instruction was "gather up cat."  I got a good laugh from it.

A big part of why it made me laugh was because it reminded me of the time when I had been alone at my parents house during a tornado warning and had to gather up our panicking Maltese and our stubborn cat and get them both to shelter.  Fortunately, each of them weighed less than twelve pounds and I was able scoop one up on each arm and schlep them to the closet.

Miso

Miso

Did I mention that part of why I had a bad morning was because a memory came up on Facebook reminding me that today was the day Miso, the aforementioned cat - died?  While I hadn't exactly forgotten, I hadn't really thought about the date because the year he died, it was Holy Week.  He died on Wednesday.  When we buried him, I couldn't help but think of the upcoming Resurrection on Sunday.

And, at some point after that, I had a dream.  I dreamed that one morning, three days after Miso had died, that I was standing in the kitchen looking out to the blooming ornamental cherry trees where we had buried him - and there he was, poking his head up out of the ground, shaking the dirt off his ears.  In the dream, the neighbors just accepted this - we had a cat who had died and came back after three days and they were all cool with it.  

Murphy

Murphy

Similarly, long after our little Maltese died, I had a dream that Jason and I were visiting his parents.  In the dream, we pulled up in front of their house and Jason's dad was waiting for us.  He seemed a little confused as he greeted us and said, "Uh, Lizzy, I found something that I think is yours."  He stepped away from the door of the garage, and Murphy came running out.  She was covered in dirt, as though she also had been buried and dug her way back out.  But it was a happy dream - we were all excited to see her.  (The really odd thing about this dream is that I met Jason, and therefore his parents, after Murphy died.  This dream may have even been many years later.)


Baldur

Baldur

And of course, this week is bringing us very close to the anniversary of Baldur's death.  I've been thinking about him a lot lately.  But remembering these dreams I also remembered a dream of Jason's from after Baldur died.  It was really beautiful - rather than try to reproduce it, I'll link to the blog where I go into detail about it: 

https://www.iveyink.com/blog/2019/4/20/death-rebirth-and-rebuilding 

Yesterday was a tough day.  This week has been a tough week.  Things are going to get tougher.  But days like today it helps to remember my sweet fuzzies.  It also helps to remember that the story I've been working on - that I mention here and here on this blog - is a story of rebuilding. 

Searching for the Silver Lining

Depending on where you are, you may have experienced a sudden jump in how you and/or your community are preparing for or dealing with the coronavirus.  Because I'm really bad keeping up with my to-do lists lately, this morning when I went to update my to-do list for the week, I saw that on my list for last Monday was "ask [friend] about getting together for lunch."  I didn't get around to asking... and at this point I won't.  I actually had a couple friends I was going to email about getting together to grab lunch and catch up, but that's now on the back burner indefinitely.

In addition to not having gotten much of my to-do list done, I also haven't gotten much writing done.  The Wolf and the Sheath, as well as my other partial novels, sits as unfinished as it was in July when I had Elianna.  I've been thinking a lot about it this week, though.  The story begins not long after a an outbreak (Small Pox, though it's not referred to as such in-story) has died down and societies have started rebuilding.

When I first started the book, an embarrassingly large number of years ago, I just kind of slapped that setting on it.  In November of 2018, when I went back in during NaNoWriMo to actually do some serious work on it, I started thinking more practically of things like the recovery process.  What is the harvest like now?  What kind of shortages (or surpluses) are there?  Did some areas of society lose people disproportionately, or was it across the board?  I had thought, and even worried, that having lived in a comfortable place and time where we hadn't ever had a major outbreak that I might not be able to understand and write this world.  Oops...

I'm not saying I'm glad that this pandemic is going on - of course I'm not saying that.  But as we start to see the number of cases take a sharp turn upward, I personally find that looking for the positive, the silver lining in this very dark storm cloud, is something is something that we can - and should - do to help keep our spirits up.

I am actually going to reread through a few of those newer scenes, where I address some of those issues (rather than the older ones where I just slapped a "post-pox" label on it and moved on), maybe see how dealing with the looming threat of a major disease affects how they read now.  I actually would like to take one of these scenes, workshop it a bit to stand on its own, and post it on my My Works page*.  We'll see if I can get that done in a timely manner.

*Normally, I don't post unfinished pieces, as that can affect their ability to be published later, but small excerpts from full novels are usually considered to be a small enough percentage of the story that publishers don't mind.

But back to the search for the silver lining... 

Jason and I are actually very fortunate.  His work is such that it can be done remotely (indeed, he already worked from home two days a week).  His company's decision that everyone will work from home at least until April 17 is no hardship. 

I had been planning on starting taking Elianna to story times at the library since before Christmas, but something always got in the way.  Now Elianna has not, in fact, visited my former coworkers in Cobb County (which has one of the highest number of cases in the state).  

We stock up on paper goods and soap regularly at Costco, and everything else when it's BOGO at Publix.  When we started seeing shortages in stores, and recommendations to start preparing to spend and extended period of time self-isolating, we were not caught up short, unable to find what we need.

Despite the worry, despite the fear, it turns out I have a lot of silver linings.  Do you have a silver lining?  Maybe yours is that you didn't really want to go to that conference, or now you have more time to snuggle your dog during the day. 

Find your silver lining.

Na No... Uh Oh

Hello, readers!

As those of you who have followed this blog for a while know, I always post about what my plans are for NaNoWriMo*. And as those of you who have read my last few updates may have guessed by now, since I have a 3-month-old baby, I am not planning to do much.

It's weird to say that. I first started doing NanNo 10 years ago, and most years since I've done something, even if it's not straight pounding out 50,000 words for a new novel. In fact part of why I haven't always just straight up done NaNo is because I started a novel 10 years ago... and still have yet to finish it. I don't need to be writing 50,000 more words for a novel that will take me another decade to finish.

Last year, I wrote almost every day, adding scenes that needed to be written to my still-in-progress novel from 2009 (more on that here: https://www.iveyink.com/blog/2018/10/30/lets-go-wri-mo and here: https://www.iveyink.com/blog/2018/11/30/you-go-wri-mo ). I wrote 31 pages of new material last November, and then wrote a little more in February before Baldur got sick. And, between Baldur and preparing for Elianna this year, I never got all of that new material inserted into the main document. I haven't done any work on The Wolf and the Sheath in probably 4 or 5 months. And, honestly, I have very little expectation of my ability to get any substantial work done on it before the end of the year. It pains me to say that.

When I started The Wolf and the Sheath, it never occurred to me that I wouldn't have finished it in 10 years. But a lot has happened in my life since 2009. I was living with my parents and working 2 or 3 part-time jobs (that didn't add up to 40 hours a week). I hadn't met my husband yet, and so we obviously didn't have our dogs or our baby. And yes, I know there are people out there who write while working full time and/or taking care of their kids. And maybe I will eventually get to the point where I can write and take care of Elianna and the house - but it will not be before Friday.

But I shouldn't be discouraged - my sister recently finished writing her first novel. It took her 10 years, during which time she has not only been teaching full-time, but also earned her master' degree. It can be done. Just not right now.

So what am I going to do instead? Well, I never did finish rereading all the new material I wrote earlier this year, so I'm at least going to try to do that. Check back in late November or early December to see how it goes.

*If you're not familiar with the abbreviation, NaNoWriMo is short for National Novel-Writing Month, which takes place annually in November. Writers challenge themselves to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. It's not as hard as it sounds - it breaks down to about 1700 words a day, which is just a couple pages. The hard part is not writing 50,000 words - the hard part is actually finishing the novel after November ends.

What I Got Done in June

Well, as many of you noticed, I did not post my July plans (more on that in my previous post: https://www.iveyink.com/blog/2019/7/3/irony ) at the end of June/beginning of July like I normally do.

My update of what I got done in June is... pretty much nothing. I wrote a few hundred words for Wolf and Sheath, and I've been working on "writing" a couple other stories in my head the past couple weeks. But with all the stuff we still have to do to get ready for the baby, I wasn't expecting to get a lot done (though, honestly, I was kinda of hoping to do a little more than I have).

My plans for July (now that we're already a week in and I've done nothing) are pretty much the same for June - do what I can, if I have time (which, again, may not be much).

I know that once she's born I most likely won't have the time or mental energy to work on anything for a few months. I submitted a flash fiction piece to a magazine a couple months ago and in my cover letter joked that flash fiction might be the only media whose scope lines up with my time since I'm expecting my first baby in August. I just found out this week the story didn't get accepted, so, while that's disappointing, that also opens up the ability to submit it elsewhere, as this magazine doesn't accept simultaneous submissions.

So, what else? I'd like to think that now that Jason and I should have all our baby prep nailed down within the next few days that maybe I'll find the time to work on stuff again... But I'm also to the point in the pregnancy where she really could come any time, and when she does all bets are off.

For the meantime, I will at least keep trying to do my weekly blog post and writerly quote... but if the next time I miss one or both, it's possible that means that we have a new arrival : )

June is Bustin' Out Already

Well... Remember my plans for May? To get back into my routine and get my head back in the game? Yeah, not so much...

I did finish rereading the bulk of my Wolf and Sheath material - the main document and most of my snippets and tidbits that I haven't figured out where exactly they go in the main story yet. I think I still have about 10,000 words of new-ish material left to reread.

I also have been good about keeping to my social media schedule - writerly quotes on Mondays and and blog posts on the weekends.

But that's it - I haven't gotten any actual writing, editing, or submissions done this month.

And, granted, there are reasons for that. We've been making some pretty big preparations for our little girl, including having the carpet upstairs replaced today. I don't know if any of y'all have ever had the carpet replaced in a house you're currently living in. It's like moving - you have to get everything up off the floor and, even if the carpet people are going to be moving furniture, you have to get stuff off the furniture. That means knick-knacks off shelves and dressers, pens and papers off desks and - yes - books off bookshelves (and bedside tables and the floor).

As you might have guessed, as a writer, former library worker, and avid reader, I have a boatload of books. I wouldn't say I have enough books to sink the Titanic... but it might not be going too far out on a limb to say that I have enough books to plug the hole in the Titanic. And, as those of you who are also writers, librarians, or avid readers know from trying to move your own books, books add up quickly and are heavy in large quantities.

Even under normal circumstances, it would have taken us several days to pack and move everything we needed to to prepare for this. But in my third trimester, I'm not supposed to be lifting more than 20 pounds, and in the past week or so have gotten to where bending over, crouching, etc. is getting to be more difficult. Plus, going on almost a month now, I've been without A/C at work. So when I get home in the evenings, I'm hot, tired, cranky, and the last thing I want to do is spend all night cleaning and packing.

So Jason and I have been tackling this in small chunks, an hour or half hour at a time. And now we have to put it all back...

So June... We still have baby preparations - we have to get nursery furniture. We're meeting a doula tomorrow. My shower is in a couple weeks. And that's on top of plans to spend time with people before the baby comes...

So I'm not expecting June to be hugely productive. I'm not saying I won't continue trying to do what I set out to in May - just that I'm going to try not to give myself a hard time if I don't get a lot of writing done on top of all the other things that are pressing in on me.

Mayday, Mayday!

Well, y'all, it's May. And it's been a while since I've posted project goals or updates.

Of course, if you've been following this blog, you'll know why the 2nd half of February, and then March and April went out the window, so I won't go into that again.

Last week I finally decided to start getting back into it. I started rereading The Wolf and the Sheath, to get my head back to where it was before the omelet hit the fan. (Yes, I'm stealing that phrase from Some Like it Hot.) I had written a decent amount of new material in early February and some of it I hadn't even reread yet, so some of this reread is to re-immerse myself in the world of the story, and some of it honestly is to say "what the heck did I write three months ago?"

I also looked into some submission possibilities and submitted one of my stories to a literary magazine, so we'll see if that goes anywhere. I got back two rejections during my downtime, which was really rough - not because when I sent them out I said, "this is it! This is a perfect fit for this story," but because I already had so much bad news coming at me it would have been nice to have a win.

So for May... I guess for May I go back to getting my head in the game. I may not write quite as much as the schedule I planned at the beginning of the year. At six months pregnant, I'm not sleeping well (not that I slept well when I wasn't pregnant) and we still have a boatload of stuff to do to get ready for our little girl. My evenings are full and my bedtime is creeping earlier. I need to remember to take the time to meditate, especially the next few weeks as work stress is peaking. Plus now that it's getting hotter, we usually wait 'til after dark to take Athena for a walk. So the 2-2.5 hours I used to be able to get in most writing evenings are shrinking - in the past week and a half or so that I've been trying to get back into it, I think two hours has been my best, and a couple nights it's been closer to 1.

But with a baby on the way, I know that in a few months I will look back on this time and say, "Oh, wow, I had so much time I had back then!"

Death, Rebirth, and Rebuilding

It's been a while since I've posted. As many of you who follow this blog know, over the past couple weeks Jason and I have been dealing with the loss of our dog, Baldur. It's left us with, among other issues and emotions, a lack of motivation or desire to really do anything.

As you also know unless you've been living under a rock all week, Notre Dame cathedral caught on fire on Monday. The world held its breath, wept as the spire collapsed, and then breathed a collective sigh of relief on Tuesday and Wednesday as images and reports started coming in: the building stood. Many statues and pieces of art had been removed for cleaning as part of the renovation project - some as recently as a week before the blaze. The bees that lived in hives on the rooftops survived. Even most of the fabulous stained glass windows are still intact. Millions of dollars have already been pledged to the rebuild. Documentation - photos, videos, digital recreations of the cathedral - have been offered up to assist.

At first, people were saying what a tragedy it was that such a beloved and sacred space burned at the beginning of Holy Week. But I think it is more, and better, than that. I think it is a fitting reminder of death and rebirth.

Monday night, after we had heard the news of Notre Dame, Jason had a dream. He dreamed that he had come into a large amount of money, and he took it and bought a run down cathedral in Baldur's name. In the dream, our boy who had always been so good, had been named a saint. Baldur had always been so good with small animals and somehow, with the mysterious way that animals sometimes know things, small animals - squirrels, cats, other little creatures - began to flock to this sanctuary. Jason took care of them. Other, larger animals started coming. Word spread and people would bring their ill and injured animals, while other people started to come to the sanctuary to offer their services. Soon Jason had a staff of veterinarians and other animal caretakers. He also had an "army." This army would go out and hunt down injured animals and bring them back to the sanctuary to be treated.

Jason almost never remembers his dreams, and he never remembers them in this kind of detail.

It is comforting to think that something good, something constructive, can come from something tragic and destructive.

As we struggle with getting back into our normal routine, getting back into the things that we normally want to do, I have also been struggling with whether to go back to The Wolf and the Sheath, or whether to work on something else for a while. There is, of course, the obvious problem of the canine connection with Baldur, as wolves figure prominently in the story. There is also the problem that not only are there characters who die in the story, but there are also characters who are dealing with grief even prior to that. Am I ready to go back to rereading and writing that?

But there is also the fact that this story is, in fact, a story of rebuilding after tragedy. The main character inherits the leadership of her aunt's realm. But that inheritance could not happen if someone hadn't died. The kingdom is still reeling from an epidemic that hit two years prior - but new people are moving into positions that would not have been open to them before; new friendships and alliances are being forged. Perhaps this is the time, perhaps this is the story that I need to be working on. Perhaps it is time for me to begin rebuilding.

The Dog Days of February

Well, guys, I somehow missed making my beginning of the month project update for February - by the time I realized this, I figured I might as well wait for March!

My goals for January were to "get my head back in the game" after Christmas, and to do better about sticking to my new schedule. I was very good about sticking to only writing "business" on Mondays - writing-related social media, researching places to submit, etc. Wednesdays and Fridays, without the distraction of "ooh, I wonder if anyone has clicked on my last post," I was able to get a good chunk of things done. Jason and I had a few occasions where we went out and did things on Wednesday or Friday nights and I was very good about making up the time I missed some other evening.

I also submitted two different stories over the past month and a half. That actually doesn't sound like much, but I've been more judicious about making sure the places I'm submitting to are good fits, looking for places that offer payment without also having to shell out a lot of money to enter a contest, etc.

I wrote a lot of new material for The Wolf and the Sheath in the first couple weeks of February - some of this was to go complete or transition between recent material that I wrote in November, and some of it was completely new. The main document now stands at over 60,000 words, and that's not including probably 10,000 words from the secondary document that I (mostly) wrote in November that still need to be copy/pasted in, and maybe 2,000-5,000 more little snippets in various other places.

But that was all before mid-February. The last thing I worked on that was writing related was to submit a story on Feb. 18. That was the night that we realized that Baldur was more than just "under the weather," and I have not had either the time or the emotional energy to work on anything since then. (For more on what's been going on with my boy, see my previous post: https://www.iveyink.com/blog/2019/2/24/baldurs-saga ).

As of the typing of this, we are still waiting on his biopsy results and I am just physically and emotionally exhausted.

But with that said, I have probably been more productive this February than last February. I don't remember getting a lot done early last February (for some reason last year, it took me a long time to get back into the swing of things after Christmas). Then, again in mid-February, we adopted Athena. The first month or so that we had her, she needed near-constant supervision and also had some separation anxiety, meaning that Jason and I pretty much alternated nights of who had a trembling doggy on their lap. (She has improved so much you guys, I can't even tell you.)

As of the 18th, my plans for March were to stay the course. I was starting to think I might actually be able to have a complete rough draft of Wolf and Sheath before Jason and I have our first (human) baby in August. But, depending on what happens with Baldur, I may dial back writing time in order to spend more time with him. There's a lot that is very much up in the air right now.

How is it that the shortest month always has so much crammed into it?

Ladies of Language

So - the registrar, the head of the language department, and the registrar's admin assistant walk into a restaurant...

No, it's not the start of a joke. But it was the start of a very interesting dinner.

Last week, my boss and I went out to dinner with the head of the language department (who is also the head of the honors program). It wasn't really a work dinner, though we did occasionally kick around ideas about how various programs might be improved, or our experiences with similar programs in other places.

We ended up just sitting around and talking for a long time - in fact, my boss had to leave earlier so the other professor and I stayed and chatted for a while longer. It was really nice to be able to hang out with someone else who is "overly educated." I don't mean that as a slight against anyone I regularly spend time with, just that I don't often get the chance to discuss 19th century Russian poetry translation or Central American magic realism in depth.

We also got onto the subject of the novels that I'm writing and, and she sat and listened raptly while I described characters and plot. I think I've told her more about my writing than I've told any other one person in one sitting. At one point she asked what the title of my book was. I told her The Wolf and the Sheath, but also clarified that that was just the working title. I said that I probably wouldn't decide on a final title until after I finish the book, but at the moment I like The Lady, the Wolf, and the Watcher. She said she liked the rhythm of it. (I think that was what actually lead to the discussion of literature in translation.)

Tangentially related to the above, before my boss left, we sort of reprized the discussion my boss and I had a while back about why she doesn't like the term "ladies" to refer to a group of women. (More on that here: https://www.iveyink.com/blog/2018/1/7/ladies-gentlemen ) I clarified for the new member of our group, who hadn't been at our previous discussion, that "I read a lot of fantasy. I write a lot of fantasy. To me, a lady is someone who might strap on a sword and lead a battle." And, a twinkle in her eye, she responded, "That's not a lady - that's an empress."

A Plan for Jan!

(January, that is...)

So even though I posted by big list of goals for the year this weekend, I neglected to talk about what I'm doing right now, for January.

The plan for January is to get my head back in the game.

You might recall in my post about my December plans that I said I didn't expect to get a lot done that month. We'll, I may have given myself a little too much slack for a busy month - I got nothing writing-related done (unless you count my weekly quotes).

So for January, I'm going to work back on getting into my routine (a little about that schedule in the previous post). I'm going to update and reorganize my to do lists, reread my new material for The Wolf and the Sheath, and decide if I'm going to continue working on W and S for the next few months.

New Year, New Goals

It's that time of year again - time to look back on the goals I set last year, and re-examine what I can do in the coming year.

First we'll take a look at what goals I set myself last year and how well I accomplished them. Below is my actual list from last year's blog (linked here if you're interested https://www.iveyink.com/blog/2017/12/30/2017-summary-2018-aims ):

1. Prep and submit my latest short story, "The Cause of the Disturbance." This will actually require some research as it is a decidedly different genre and style than my three other published stories, and may need to be submitted to different places than I have been submitting to.

2. Make measurable progress on The Wolf and the Sheath. Don't ask me what "measurable" means right now - this may end up being the amount of new material written, amount of editing/rewriting, etc.

3. Attend my writing critique group semi-regularly.

4. Manage my time better in the evenings.

So, how did I do?

1. I have submitted "The Cause of the Disturbance" to several contests and publications. No luck to date, though one of my "rejections" noted that I made it to the final round of considerations in their contest.

2. For The Wolf and the Sheath I have:

  • Finalized all place and character names.

  • Neatened up and edited some scenes.

  • Started work on a map and costume research (both really for myself - I doubt that either a map or costume illustrations will make it into the final version).

  • Written 31 pages of new material in November. Not all of this will go straight into the book as is. Some of it is to replace really clunky introductory scenes, some of it still needs to be fleshed out, and some of it is for a character and pronunciation guide, as opposed to actually being part of the story.

3. Ha. Oops. I think I went three times this year - and one of those times was to a guest speaker, not a critique meeting.

4. This one is kind of up in the air as to whether it was successful.

In February, Jason and I adopted a new dog and she took a lot of hands-on time those first couple months that ate into writing time. But Jason and I also realized that since he works from home on Wednesday and Friday that it makes more sense for me to use those nights for writing (I had been using Tuesday and Thursday) - he can start dinner on those nights so that it can be ready when I get home or slightly thereafter so that I can start writing earlier. I also discovered recently that I am not giving writing the same priority that we currently give to other things - scheduled gaming time, groceries, or even preparing my lunch for the next day. This needs to change. If I'm ever going to "do something" with my writing (and by do something, I mean something other than publish a couple stories every 2 years), I need to stop treating it as a hobby.

So my goals for the coming year are:

1. Better commit to my writing time on my writing evenings.

My new schedule will be:

  • Monday - writing business. Submissions, looking into paid writing opportunities, articles and research not related to my current project, etc. Also some writing social media (currently I post my "writerly quote of the week" on Mondays).

  • Wednesday and Friday - work on current project (whatever novel or story I'm working on) and just that - no writing social media, no articles, just pure writing, editing, or research for that project.

  • Sometime over the weekend - write and post my weekly blog.

If we do something on a Friday (or on one of my other writing nights, but Friday is the most frequent offender), I need to make sure that I set aside time on some other evening to make up for the time lost. If I'm not done making lunch, putting laundry away, etc. by the time I'm supposed to start writing, it doesn't get done. (I've been trying to eat healthier, which means not buying lunch or just throwing a frozen lunch in a bag, but we'll see.)

2. Finish the story line of Wolf and Sheath.

I say this with hesitation. I usually get to a point after working on something for a few months where I just don't want to do it anymore. But in November I made big progress with adding new scenes that needed to be done - filling in backstory, exposition, transitions, etc. I still have a lot of transitions that need to be written, in addition to a climactic battle, but I think I could get at least the bones of those laid out in the next year, even if I don't work on W and S the full year. That won't mean the book will be publishing-ready at the end of the year. I mean, it potentially could be, but I don't want to back myself into that corner just yet.

3. Prepare some nearly-finished short stories for submission.

These stories (working titles) are "Olivia's Luck," "Certain," and possibly "The New Inventory." (I say "possibly" on the 3rd because it's something I wrote a few years ago and it's not as good as the others.) I will also work on submitting "24 December 1944," but that won't be 'til summer - it's a Christmas piece and no one will be looking for those now.

4. My 4th goal is a little more vague, a little more dependent on luck and whether the right things present themselves at the right time - receive payment for my work.

This could be winning a paid competition, successful submission to a paid publication, or finding something like a little side free-lance job. I need to look into these possibilities more, but like I said above, I need to stop treating my writing as a hobby.

OK, well this post is a lot longer than I thought it would be when I sat down to write it - if you're still with me, I appreciate it!